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COMMITMENT



I was raised in a home where I learned very early on the value of keeping your word. As a child, this meant that I could trust that whatever either of my parents said, no matter how small or how big, was going to be done as they had said. Back then I did not know this is what equates commitment when you become an adult. Becoming a teenager and then a young adult, I learned that value of commitment, which started out as commitment to what you say. This would eventually be the beginning of me valuing dependability, reliability, and accountability and they have become a great part of my life. 

I attach great importance to the latter three words in addition to commitment. It saddens and disappoints me when people do not commit to what they say and therefore render themselves as unreliable people. These words are not just mere words. These words in school mean something. In school it determines whether the division of labor in a group project will be fair. At the workplace it means there is trust that you are not working alone and shouldering the burden on your own or amongst only a select few. In your family, it shows you who you can run to when it seems like the universe is against you. In friendships, it means you do not have to talk everyday but you know when they are needed the most, you do not have to ask twice. In an intimate relationship, it means loyalty, security, respect, and faithfulness. 

Now you say, how can one simple word -- COMMITMENT -- be attached to so many other words that define how we interact with others in the different circles we operate in on a daily basis. When you commit to something or someone - be it an idea, a goal, a partner, or value - you have agreed to the importance of that which you have committed to. At a certain level, you saw the importance of it, you saw the beauty of it, and you believed in the continuity of it. Furthermore, commitment adds you to the equation and makes you a part of the continuing work to make better -- and at this point, dare I say, make a better world. 

So then why is it that there is seemingly disappointment at every turn? Do I not have the same lenses as others do or am I attaching greater importance than there should be realistically to this word and its application in the matters of my life? Over the years, I have come to realize the depth of my independence and for the most part, I am proud of it. I have also seen how this perception of it as my way of living has somehow, maybe to a certain degree, alienated me and lead to me subconsciously unlearning how to ask for help. In my quest to fulfilling those that I commit myself to, and having experienced one too many times in the past disappointment from others, I have grown what started out as a normal seed of doubt to a beanstalk of doubt that has undoubtedly caused me to have an automatic doubt attached to any commitment made to me. 

I cannot help but wonder how I would be if I did not weigh this word down so much that it means so many other things and so it ends up wounding me much deeper and the stings are frequent and keep me at the edge of my seat, because what else am I to believe but that this is inevitable. Have I lost hope in commitment? Or is this just a phase?


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