I was raised in a home
where I learned very early on the value of keeping your word. As a child, this
meant that I could trust that whatever either of my parents said, no matter how
small or how big, was going to be done as they had said. Back then I did not
know this is what equates commitment when you become an adult. Becoming a
teenager and then a young adult, I learned that value of commitment, which
started out as commitment to what you say. This would eventually be the
beginning of me valuing dependability, reliability, and accountability and
they have become a great part of my life.
I attach great
importance to the latter three words in addition to commitment. It saddens and
disappoints me when people do not commit to what they say and therefore render
themselves as unreliable people. These words are not just mere words. These
words in school mean something. In school it determines whether the division of
labor in a group project will be fair. At the workplace it means there is trust
that you are not working alone and shouldering the burden on your own or
amongst only a select few. In your family, it shows you who you can run to when
it seems like the universe is against you. In friendships, it means you do not
have to talk everyday but you know when they are needed the most, you do not
have to ask twice. In an intimate relationship, it means loyalty, security,
respect, and faithfulness.
Now you say, how can
one simple word -- COMMITMENT -- be attached to so many other words that define
how we interact with others in the different circles we operate in on a daily
basis. When you commit to something or someone - be it an idea, a goal, a
partner, or value - you have agreed to the importance of that which you have
committed to. At a certain level, you saw the importance of it, you saw the
beauty of it, and you believed in the continuity of it. Furthermore, commitment
adds you to the equation and makes you a part of the continuing work to make
better -- and at this point, dare I say, make a better world.
So then why is it that
there is seemingly disappointment at every turn? Do I not have the same lenses
as others do or am I attaching greater importance than there should be
realistically to this word and its application in the matters of my life? Over
the years, I have come to realize the depth of my independence and for the most
part, I am proud of it. I have also seen how this perception of it as my way of
living has somehow, maybe to a certain degree, alienated me and lead to me
subconsciously unlearning how to ask for help. In my quest to fulfilling those
that I commit myself to, and having experienced one too many times in the past
disappointment from others, I have grown what started out as a normal seed of
doubt to a beanstalk of doubt that has undoubtedly caused me to have an
automatic doubt attached to any commitment made to me.
I cannot help but
wonder how I would be if I did not weigh this word down so much that it means
so many other things and so it ends up wounding me much deeper and the stings
are frequent and keep me at the edge of my seat, because what else am I to
believe but that this is inevitable. Have I lost hope in commitment? Or is this
just a phase?
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